I started taking Lamotrigine about 2 months ago and because it’s such a hard drug they started me off on the lowest possible dose which was 25MG.
I am now all the way up to 100MG and I don’t know how I feel about it…
If you don’t know, Lamotrigine is a mood stabilizer for bipolar disorder. Before they medicated me, and by they I mean my team of doctors (Yes, I have an entire team of doctors working on my case because I am SO FUCKED UP) discovered that I was in a rapid cycling state of mind. The higher my ups, the lower my downs and I would experience this all day everyday. Sometimes they would last the course of a couple of days. I would be so happy and then out of nowhere I would want to drive my car off the road and kill myself.
But as I mentioned, I am now up to taking 100MG a day of the lamotrigine and I am not rapid cycling AS BAD as before I was medicated but I can feel my moods being stabilized…just not the way I wanted them to be. I feel as though i’ve been stabilized into depression with no way out. I no longer have up and down wave patterns but i’m leveled out on a depression and I can’t stand it. It almost hurts to get out of bed every morning, I have no energy to do anything. There is like something weighing me down that makes doing anything impossible. I feel like a prisioner in my own body and it scares the shit out of me.
I wish I could be leveled out on the manic side. That would make things os much easier. The doctors say it comes with being on the medication, soon they will have be up to 300MG of Lamotrigine to see if it started to level me out to a healthy rate. My fear is that the higher the dosage the lower I’m going to get. What if I get to 300MG and I become so depressed I actually kill myself? I’m terrified.
Has anyone ever had this experience, or any other experience on this drug? I would love your feedback, comments, and suggestions.